Enhanced Flight Plan v.1
The current [1:09 AM CST, Friday, 01 May 2009] flight plan .
- Stop eating tacos 48 hours prior to takeoff … check
- Acquire killer earbud-type headphone/mic system … check
- Download high bit-rate David Bowie studio catalogue … check
- Consider obligatory If-This-Is-The-Last-Flight statement … check
Okay, first the headphone-like thing. Let me put it this way: Right now I’m listening to Suffragette City off the remastered “Best of David Bowie 1969-1974″, and if I was in an upper-floor hotel room I’d be throwing the furniture out the window into the pool, below, just for rock ‘n roll fun!
I have a ton of ultra-high quality mixing and mastering software, any part of which I can inject into any audio signal path on the Mac, and take it from me, iTunes never sounded so good as it does right now.
Apple, no doubt by accident, used a nice pre-amp stage component that doesn’t “color” the sound, so, all things being equal (which they never are,by the way) one has the choice of “natural” sound or a (theoretical) infinite number of choices as far as “mixing” is concerned.
I usually hate earbuds, and equally despise the negative impact of “proximity” issues on the bass portion of the signal, and, somehow, these things stay in my ears, and the bass is very organic and present. Intense stereo “staging” and minimal apparent cramming of frequencies into artificial spaces. [That last bit just means, in my own words, that discreet tonalities aren't obviously being forced into trying to occupy the same sonic space.] Grade: A.
Other items from above list: I want to make it clear that if there’s anything fishy, like, some guy jumped off the plane, D. B. Cooper-style … don’t believe a word of it, it was probably a matter of taco-related keel-hauling.
Onward. The Bowie stuff: As clichéd as this sounds, Bowie never sounded this great before. The remasters were done with an eye [erm, ear, I suppose] towards enhancing the tracks by the standards of the times in which they were recorded. They aren’t “updated” with drum and bass “touches”, or Jay-Z bullshit, at all. Just straight up crunchy/precise enhanced versions of the original tracks. true to the source, with incredible definition and attention to nuance. Grade: A+
Now, as for the “just in case” statement. I am not worried about crashing. To be honest I’m more upset by the fact that they stopped enforcing the “height” standards for stewardesses. When was that? Thirty-five years ago? Right. Back when you could smoke at an outdoor baseball game without being considered a commie child molester.
Anyway, my statement is this: I’ll be fine, and I may not die laughing, but rest assured I’ll be trying harder than the whole rest of those poor souls put together, to do just exactly that. I’ll be listening to music, really fucking loud … as a matter of fact, my “last words” might very well be: “Huh?” and I’ll be eating bananas and organic peanut butter sandwiches and drinking black coffee, all whilst reading Philip Larkin’s Collected Poems. [Thank you, Nancy]
I may not have been “comfortable” but I’ve gotten my money’s worth out of life. As a matter of fact, I’ve probably gotten a few other people’s money’s worth, too. So, don’t waste time feeling dramatic or maudlin on my account. And, instead of a tombstone, I’d like a hobbit-sized “bobbing head doll” with a little infrared deal that, when someone passes nearby, triggers a recording that says, out loud, … “Huh? … What?”
Remember, in life, a sense of humour isn’t just a good idea, it’s mandatory.
I’m still wondering why toothpaste is an inflight no-no, as are the infamous “box cutters”, but scissors are okay … It’s the crazy inconsistencies like that, that I won’t miss one bit.
So, assuming someone doesn’t take over the plane, with a tube of Colgate, I’ll be rolling into San Jose airport at the appointed time. [Whatever that is.] Ta ta for now.